A recent conversation started by DS2went like this:
DS2: ‘Do babies come out of a hole in Mummies’ tummies?’
Me: ‘Sometimes they do.’
DS2: ‘How do the doctors fix the hole?’
Me: ‘They stitch it.’
DS1 (in an almost admiring tone that I could be so brave and not cry): ‘So you had stitches 3 times?’
Me: ‘No, only once. You and DD are twins so the doctors only needed to fix one hole. DS2 came out another way.’
DS2 (with a very confused, almost insulted look on his face): ‘How?’
Me: ‘There is a special place in Mummies’ bodies for babies to come through.’
DS2: ‘Do they come out of your spine?’
Me (surprised he knew the word ‘spine’): ‘No, not from there.’
DS1 (with a look of delight on his face thinking about the potential teasing-miles he could get out of this): ‘Did DS2 come out of your bum?’
Poor DD, on the other hand, had gone completely silent, the colour draining from her cheeks.
Before I go on, I think it is important to point out that each answer I gave was repeated by the boys in voices at least 10 decibels higher than their normal volume. Yes, everyone in the Polo Club restaurant could hear what they were saying. In the past when this topic of conversation has been raised, I usually distracted them so as to avoid answering questions. But today, I just felt like going with it and being as upfront (and brief) as possible. That was until DS1 said the word ‘bum’ loud enough for the guests outside to hear. Nope, this was not the time or the place to mention the name of the birth channel.
DS1: ‘Mummy, does the baby live in in a round house in your tummy and get its food through a tunnel from your tummy, and then come out of the other tunnel when he has had enough to eat?’
Me (gobsmacked): ‘Where did you learn that?’
DS1: ‘The library. Not the school library, the other library.’
Feeling revived DD piped up ‘He means ‘Borders’, Mummy!’
Mental note: Supervise the munchkins when they are reading in the kids’ corner in Borders!